My Conservative Blog: An Apology to My Readers

by CJFosdick on August 1, 2009

Thinking — Sometimes Hard to Do

Now and again I sit and think; other times I just sit.
I don’t mean my mind quits working; it still is.
My consciousness just doesn’t record my brain waves.
Eighty percent of the rest of the time, thoughts are
bouncing around in the
cranium I call my mind like a bushel-ful
of super balls.
Zing — there goes another ball ricocheting off
all the other balls. A different ball hits the side of my skull, rebounding
off my brain stem, and hits yet another ball.
That one thumped so hard it totally flew out of my mind.
Gone! Just flat gone!
The other twenty percent of the time, my mind is frantically
searching for a lost thought or two.
Where in blazes did they go?
Some call it a “Senior Moment.”
Others say it is a “Brain Fart.”
It is neither.
It just means my mind went on vacation!

In actuality, I needed to take a hiatus from writing my conservative blogs. It wasn’t that my mind actually went on vacation. I made my mind quit wrangling with the daily conservative issues, take a break, get some perspective. There had been too much, too fast! I have been hard at it since November with scarcely a break. I take copious notes, read, learn other’s ideas, and email. I compose thoughts almost 24/7 in my mind, and choose which topic I want for my next blog. Some of my “Brainstorms” fly out of my mind, never to be found again, because I have so many, it is hard to concentrate on just one idea. My thoughts bounce off each other like pool balls ricocheting on a pool table. I go back, revise, try to find just the right words I want to express what I want. My mind became numb. I became discouraged at the futility of my efforts — one person out of millions. How could I possibly make a difference?

So, what did I engage my mind with instead of my conservative issues? I wrote a short story, completely lost myself in it for a few delicious days of creativity and happiness. The short story is called, “The Brat.” and is about father-son relationships.
Vacation is over. Now I feel ready to get back to my blogging with new vigor, excitement, and feeling of purpose.

My problem has been and still is that I feel so deeply about what I write in my blogs. “Why? Why do I care so much?” I ask myself. America has lasted for over two hundred years before I came along. She has been through wars, disease and epidemics, fought off tyrants bound on destroying her, faced down bigotry, lived through financial woes much worse than today’s problems, has even survived a civil war that threatened to pull this great country into pieces. Yes, America has survived through all this and more — and yet still remains the same glorious America, the shining example of freedom throughout the world, the greatest and best country that has ever existed. I care about America because I love her. It is as simple as that. I want the America I love to be here for my children, my grandchildren, and theirs.

And I am desperately worried right now that America won’t survive intact. She is being buffeted from too many assaults, with leaders and others who want to do away with our democratic and religious values that have stood by America for all this time. I am worried America is losing her golden heritage, not passing it on to our youth. If Americans lose this sense of greatness, we will no longer be Americans and there will not be an America, not the great example of magnificent democracy it is today. This is what worries me and this is why I must try to do my part, no matter how pointless it might seem sometimes. I must continue to write conservative issues blogs, no matter what.

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